segunda-feira, 12 de agosto de 2013

120813

All about conflicts.

It's acknowledged that everyone has its own principles. Do they?

Don't they ever get confused with what they believe? Of course. But when living today, they are always living towards their beliefs.

Do you want to have prohibited experiences? ARE YOU IN TOUCH WITH YOUR DARKEST FANTASIES?

Or do you want to wait for love? WHAT'S THE ACTUAL MEANING OF FREEDOM, AFTER ALL. 



Can your really tell once you never gave this pleasure to yourself?



An urge to throw myself towards the arms of an attractive dark hurricane.

A desire to feed the crows screaming inside of me.
Do they really look so mean? 

Well, despair never looks good. 

What do you know?
What do you know?

Will you feel dirty afterwards? Will you cry the free crows?

Have you ever tried to step onto the dark side and understand that freedom cannot be taken only by playing right?

Did you, Mr. Crow, let yourself fly and left the cage behind? 

Or did fear join you again? 

Just promise me, Mr. Crow, that you are never going to lie to yourself. 

sexta-feira, 3 de agosto de 2012


Mergulha numa profunda tristeza existencial, uma falta, um chamado. O vento está em todo lugar, mas ele nunca se mostra. Ele te toca, ele te deixa bem, mas você nunca vai poder agradecê-lo ou retribuir. As ondas do mar vão e voltam, mas elas nunca são as mesmas. O universo é gigante, mas, felizmente, ele tem um fim. Ele morre, ele vive, ele explode, ele cria, ele destrói, ele mata. As estrelas estão no céu para dar luz e somente isso, mas elas não se contentam. Fulas, explodem, explodem mesmo. Já chega dessa vida destinada, não quero destino traçado, quero me jogar contra uma parede e acabar com tudo que tinha sido determinado. Se me vier com um destino flexível, eu me mato, mas, de alguma forma, isso vai estar escrito nas páginas dele. E sobre o que eu quero falar na vida? Nada mais que sobre ela mesma. Aliás, quero falar sobre o surreal dentro do real. Os sentimentos, o emocional, as coisas que não são tangíveis, mas que nos rodeiam. As coincidências, as personalidades, as necessidades. O obscuro, o que transcende, as nossas palavras, o vento. A mente, que é capaz de criar a realidade de verdade. Porque essa realidade toda é uma mentira, é uma farsa em que vivemos enquanto procuramos, arfando, tudo que queremos. Mesmo não querendo de verdade, me atiro ao mar ou da montanha, mas minha vida vai se mover incondicionalmente para o que eu fui obrigado a querer ou o que eu quero mesmo. Eu vou errar, eu vou negar, eu vou realizar, mas eu também vou desafiar o sol. Olhá-lo com meus dois olhos frágeis e me cegar. Sou humano, sou pobre, sou mortal. Atiro-me ao céu, mais uma vez, mas eu na verdade mergulho ao mar. E quando estou me afogando, percebo que me enganaram. Seis semanas de tristeza, lágrimas que formam o outrora céu, estou dentro de um quadrado meio virado, e dentro dele eu me jogo para outra dimensão. Um plano, uma realidade, uma existência, um Deus, uma mentira, um som, um assobio, uma filmagem, uma fissura, uma transcendência. Um chamado horroroso de um espírito machucado, alguém que está aflito por não ter vivido de verdade. Se pegam nos ouvidos de qualquer pessoa milhões de frases mal interpretadas e esquecidas, um desperdício da voz. Gritos e mais gritos, eu continuo fazendo. Eu me jogo ao sol mais uma vez, mas agora eu não sei o que fazer, porque eu estou realmente indo para o Sol. Quando chego lá, a luz é artificial. O chão é totalmente frio, como o azulejo da minha casa. Eu olho para a Terra e ela está pegando fogo. Será que todos estão vivos? Eu tenho que ajudar, eu tenho que salvar quem eu posso. Não, eu vou ficar aqui e dar um sentido ruim para minha vida. Passaria o resto dos meus dias me culpando pelo que deixei de fazer, e então me jogaria no preto do universo, mas nunca chegaria a lugar nenhum. Até que um buraco no tempo e espaço me engolisse e eu me tornaria uma parte de um órgão. Sou morto, mas eu estou vivo. Isso tudo porque quero contar histórias sobre mudanças, sobre escolhas e sobre aceitações. Sobre tradições e críticas e a utopia da perfeição. Eu quero falar sobre sofrimento, sobre falsa felicidade, mas também quero falar de calma e de felicidade real. Eu quero estar vivo, mesmo morrendo a cada segundo. Um, dois, três, morrendo, morrendo, como eu posso continuar querendo estar vivo? Meu relógio conta cada minuto, mas eu não ligo pra ele. Deito no chão e encaro o piso branco eterno, minha própria jaula, meus horizontes fechados, minhas opções. Minhas limitações riem de mim no branco que é tão negro quanto no universo em que eu costumava estar, e porque eu saí de lá mesmo? Eu podia ter me acomodado, droga, eu estava tão bem. Mas aí que o relógio me grita de novo, e eu entendo que o tempo passa tão rápido que nós não podemos nos capturar em nenhum momento. Uso meu próprio sangue e escrevo nas minhas paredes sujas o exato sentimento de milhares de anos atrás. Quero que meu sofrimento fique marcado onde eu durmo, porque ele vai embora assim que eu acordo, por vários dias. Quando olho meu relógio de novo, tudo acabou. A droga da história de que se vê a vida toda antes de morrer, mas isso é exatamente a vida. Estou vendo ela passar porque esse sou apenas eu antes que minha alma vire energia para o universo e eu esqueça tudo, mas para que outro eu nasça. Vivo neste ciclo vicioso, mas nunca vou poder me largar dele porque minha felicidade em pedaços vale cada osso quebrado. Estou vivo para ter minha história nas páginas amarelas de um livro de capa preta. Quero dormir em uma estrela toda noite. No fim, explodiremos juntos. 

quarta-feira, 1 de agosto de 2012

goals

I'd like to have a wonderful and stirred life. I want to have billions of different experiences 'cuz I want to feel alive. I don't ever want fear to stop me being alive. I wanna be alive.

I want to work with storytelling and creating new universes and possibilities. I'd like to drown into other person's life. I wanna feel really happy.

As of now, I'd like to do a great application and deliver an amazing portfolio to USC so I can go study in LA and make my goals come true. I'm working really hard for this.

After USC, I want to work with filming but also do my graduate in Filmmaking in AFI. I want to work with movies as soon as I can. I want to win the world and be sucessful.

Right now I need to focus more in my extracurricular activities such as writing, band, foreign languages, translating/reviewing and volunteer work. Afterwards, I must start studying for SAT soon, and also keep my school grades up to 3,5 GPA value. I have to talk with English teacher about volunteer work. I must organize the short movie's production for next week. I must re and re edit NINE9, but it has to be ended by the end of January 2014. I must enter GEKI japanese class drama club, I must start writing about my background.

I want to experience as much things as I can.

quinta-feira, 26 de julho de 2012

Bear Mom


- A story where you can't expect the ending and can't predict what is going to happen is the best (The Shawshank Redemption, American Beauty, Black Swan!!!)
- Know how to pick the scenes, they have to have a meaning to your story. (Example: the car crash in Black Swan isn't showed)

All about beauty

I've just finished watching American Beauty and WOW! I feel like every movie I've been watching lately gets to make me feel goosebumps, haha. But seriously, AB is so amazing. The director/screenplay gets to tell a simple story with no actual expectations. It's actually and ordinary story (while I notice this, I remember of Angelina saying that there's is nothing worse than being ordinary). Married couple with a broken relationship and a lack of intimancy, even though they should have the highest level of it. Their child, Jane, is this rebel who cannot understand her parents and who hangs out with this Sky Ferreira alike girl Angelina, which is very selfish, bitchy, as a prototype of the perfect american girl. I think a good point of the movie is that the characters are finally kind of ordinary!!! But that is not what makes it such different. There is also a new weird neighbor that sells drugs and films everything, seeing beauty in many things (I identified myself a lot with him) and that has a traditional dad that sucks. He actually sucks. The movies passes in their lives, mainly talking about what happens with Lester, Cateryn, Jane and Ricky. Lester notices his marriage and sad, boring life, but does not start doing nothing until he falls in love with the prototype american girl friend of his daughter. He is actually smart and feels like enjoying life and trying to live every day as the only one. Cateryn, the wife, is the example of common sense. She is jailed to needs that aren't hers and sucess aspirations and habits and does things only because it is common. She is unhappy and even in her situation, she commits betrayal, and as her husband discovers it, she feels like he is doing her of a victim and goes crazy, thinking she is the right one since she follows society rules. Jane is just a good girl that dates Ricky and  is in the middle of the family bond, which is very sick. She is also a form for her friend Angelina to feel always better. Ricky has a stupid dad that punches him to bleeding and that sent him to a military school because he found his son with dope. Btw, Ricky still sells dope and has to deal with his OWN father as if he only had to tolerate it. In the end, this dad goes crazy because he thinks that Ricky is doing blowjobs for money!!!!! Blowjobs for Lester who is buying drugs!!! Well, he was selling drugs, what is not much better, haha. But btw, his dad goes after Lester and is like very emotional and he.... KISSES LESTER! What is like, he tries do adapt to the new things but he just can't. He was born, grown-up and became and adult with a thinking of society and things, it is just too hard for him to handle things. So hard that he goes there and kills Lester! LOL By the end, we have many samples of society and their acts and errors about life. The message is live life, but actually live it. See beauty in life, cause life is beautiful! There is beauty in it all. And don't have fear neither pride, they can stop you to live correctly! Those messages are delivered amazingly from the director/screenplay. Just an ordinary story can say that being ordinary is bad!

terça-feira, 24 de julho de 2012

Nearing death...

Universe, reflection, mind, psychological, history, disturbing, trauma, sea, sea floor, ocean, gods, different realities, drowning, dreaming, fantasy, hope. My characters usually use escapism in their stories, often trying to flee or spending the whole story in other world and trying to get back or to make their fake world real. As in FPY, NINE9, Blindness and The Mage, among other stories, the characters live in anywhere else (Minho's mind and life with his loved, Angeline's mistaken to another planet, Alice fleeing the Underworld and Ronan huge will of leaving). As a matter of fact, all them include fantasy, notions of universe, mind, psychological and reflectional points, disturbs and relate to drowning into different realities. As the characters themselves fall into another world, reality, dream, mind, chase, the reader/watcher also falls with it. It also describes a process of making true, fighting for and/or adapting and embracing the new enviroment. Between my wants as a future filmmaker and/or writer, I wish to focus on the characters drama dealing with the new and respecting it, on the pressure the new environment/condition does to my characters and to make an obscure and surreal appeal in my pieces, to make them all reflects of how changing and chasing aren't easy and how it is uncertain. However my pieces' end may be, I will also focus on debating death and hope in them. 

I see the process of changing and chasing somehow next to the line of death (as a change and a chase may kill its participants). The NINE9 series has an amazing discussion since Angeline knows she want to get back without even giving a chance to the new environment, only trying to get back to her comfort box. As a fact, she reflects on how would that be worthy going back to Earth: her chase would kill her or make happy?